📎 Welcome to the Office of Judgment

🕰️ About Us

Nestled between the Celestial DMV and the Department of Lost Prophecies, the Office of Judgment (also known as The Directorate for Soul-Searching and Review of Existential Trajectories (DSSRET)) is the afterlife’s least glamorous agency. We don’t smite. We don’t sing. We audit.

“All audits are final. Appeals may be filed in triplicate and will be ignored in the order received.”

Our mission? To evaluate the moral ledger of every soul that passes through the veil. Not with flaming swords or divine visions—but with spreadsheets, incident reports, and a suspicious number of sticky notes.

🧑‍💼 Meet the Team

• Barb, Judgment Analyst #342-B
  Senior auditor. Wields a quill like a scalpel. Has personally flagged over 12,000 souls for excessive smugness.

• Kyle, Intern Cherub
  New. Eager. Accidentally approved a hedge fund manager for sainthood. We’re still cleaning up the karmic fallout.

• Gregg, Daemon Liaison
  From Hell’s HR. Technically here to ensure fair representation. Mostly drinks coffee and files grievances about the temperature of the coffee.

🗃️ What We Do

Every soul gets a file. Every file gets a verdict.
Sometimes it’s simple. Sometimes it’s a 47-page PDF with footnotes and a divine appendix.

We cross-reference sins, virtues, and questionable life choices.
We consult the Sacred Tablet (currently running JudgmentOS v3.1).
We argue. We sigh. We send souls to their final destinations with all the enthusiasm of a middle manager approving PTO.

🌀 Why This Archive Exists

This is not a recruitment site. You do not want to work here.
But if you’ve ever wondered what happens behind the pearly cubicles—this is your glimpse.

Expect leaked memos, incident reports, and occasional divine glitches.
Expect the bureaucracy. Expect the snark. Expect the petty. Expect Barb.

“If you have questions, please consult the FAQ. If you find the FAQ, please file a report.”

🗂️ Known Leaked Memos

Note: The following is a partial selection of leaked memos; the full archive remains classified.

• SUBJECT: TICKET #7771: Prayer API returning 402 (Payment Required) - DO NOT ESCALATE
• SUBJECT: Mandatory Training: “Implicit Bias in Post-Mortal Adjudication” (Attendance is Tracked)
• SUBJECT: RE: Stolen Holy Water from the Breakroom Fridge - This is Your ONLY Warning

🗨️ Got a grievance to file with the celestial bureaucracy? Submit it to the Confession Booth.