The Code of Cthulhubuntu

📡 Incident Log: /var/logs/arkham/apt-nightmare.log

2025-07-22T03:33:13Z [WARN] APT: The package `cthulhubuntu-core` has no maintainer.
2025-07-22T03:33:15Z [INFO] Running preinstall script: ./summon.sh --daemon
2025-07-22T03:33:16Z [???] ✨ The stars are right.
2025-07-22T03:33:17Z [FATAL] /dev/mind: Segmentation reality.
2025-07-22T03:33:18Z [INFO] Tentacle process listening on :6666

🧠 Uriel-404 Response

This is why we don’t let interns run sudo apt upgrade during a blood moon.

Also, /usr/share/madness/README.md is not a valid onboarding document.

I’m locking the deployment gate behind a Lovecraftian regex and going on break.

🔁 PR: #999: add support for ancient daemon protocols

+ #!/bin/bash
+ echo "Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn" >> /etc/motd
+ systemctl enable abyss.service
+ systemctl start abyss
- sanity_check=true
+ sanity_check=🧠🔨

🕯️ Eldritch Aftermath

The deployment logs began to pulse with unreadable glyphs. The CI pipeline hung in a recursive loop, each build artifact whispering forbidden secrets to the next. Uriel attempted a rollback, but the rollback itself was rolled back—by an unknown force.

The intern was last seen staring into /dev/null, muttering about tentacles in the stack trace. The monitoring dashboard now displays only a single metric: “SANITY: 0%”.

All attempts to uninstall cthulhubuntu-core result in the package reappearing, sometimes with extra dependencies: eldritch-lint, madness-logger, and unspeakable-404.

For those brave (or foolish) enough, see the actual summon-cthulhubuntu.sh script in the forbidden archives.

Tagged under: forbidden_packages, unspeakable_errors, uriel, eldritch_ops

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